Good Grief (Pt 4)

Endings and Beginnings

Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash

Today is the last year of 2025. I am a numerology enthusiast – lifelong actually. I have studied this metaphysical art for many many years, but by no means would I call myself an expert or a professional. And the number 2025 boils down to a 9 energetic year. Everything in life runs in cycles – and 9 is no different. There are 7 year cycles, 12 years cycles, and also 9 year cycles. 2025 is the end of a 9 year cycle (and by the way, that will be a whole other blog post sometime in the future to talk about why that is). Needless to say, it’s an end of a cycle. And a new one starting on January 1, 2026 (if you guessed it, it’s a 1 year) is upon us. And a 1 is all about beginnings.

For me, 2025 has been the epitome of endings. While my spouse passed in 2024, all the heavy administrative stuff carried on. And while there’s plenty written about this on the internet, no one can ever truly understand the heaviness and sloth-like feeling that incurs during this time of paperwork, more paperwork, and even more paperwork, which includes taking the deceased’s name off of everything, thus practically making them invisible. No one prepares you for those endings, and the feelings around that. You only get to discover that, once you’re in the middle of this experience. Go figure. When our house title documents, bank accounts, you name it, were formally changed over from an ‘us’ to a ‘me’, I got a Congratulations from many folks. The truth of the matter, there was no ounce of happiness or celebration in it, other than sadness, as it’s reflective of a loss, and a very distinct ending. And in reality, all I saw was obliteration, as if the Magic Eraser fairy came along and wiped the slate, replacing it with someone else. And as with many endings, grief itself doesn’t distinctly stop or start, it just simply exists in perpetuity, and every once in a while raises its head to say “Hello, Remember me? Here I am again.” But it was the ending of anything his, and the beginning of anything mine. Endings and Beginnings.

My dog also ended his physical life in 2025. Although it was very sudden, and the decision surrounding his ending was probably less than 6 hours-shocking actually. Going from everything’s great, everything’s bad, is a utter shock to the nervous system and the psyche. Especially when it hits you like a ton of bricks than an ending is looming, and you’re the only making the decision to commit and pull the plug. Final answer. No turning back. As with all animals I’m sure, Luka was one-of-a-kind.

Master Luke at his finest

A rescue dog, coming in with his own set of issues, especially around trust, we took him under our wing and made a vow that no one or nothing would hurt him again. He loved car rides, chasing after bunnies, digging holes in the yard, and socializing with ‘new’ friends. Unfortunately, there are many things in life that are out of our control, and things happen. Luka “aka Luke Skywalker” was reluctantly released to the great Star Wars in the Sky. I rest in the confidence however that Master Luke as we affectionately called him, is now speeding across the galaxy, in his new light body, free of pain and discomfort, and ready to rock in his higher dimension. On the heels of Luka’s new life, came a hummingbird which flew into my window, and dropped with a thud right in front of me. I prayed its passing, like Luka’s was swift and without suffering, and that it lived a good and happy life, however it short it was. Endings and Beginnings.

I won’t bore you with all the other releases in 2025, especially around things. Because those are endings too. Objects are things. Words are things. Thoughts are things. And all things are energy. And taking an inventory of all your ‘things’ and recognizing what was once deemed important, necessary, or even just nice to have, is no longer applicable, is a good exercise to do any time. But that was 2025-the year where the largest amount of inventory took place. But as the saying goes, what is one person’s ‘trash’, is another’s treasure. But the truth is, these things no longer vibrate at a level that was compatible with who I was as a person. And as such, these things no longer held a place in my immediate world. But the good news is that nature can never tolerate a void, and by releasing more and more things, it makes space for anything new to arrive-not necessarily more things, but certain new opportunities in life. Endings and Beginnings.

Finally, on this last day of 2025, I am sitting at my window looking out my back yard, staring at the bird feeders being savagely attacked by the varied array of winged ones including sparrows, starlings, stellar jays, woodpeckers, ravens, and some others I can’t identify. I confess, I’m not an avid bird watcher, as in the kind where you bring your binoculars and go for a walk with an intent of looking at birds. I am the ‘sit in your chair and look at the window’ kind of bird-watcher. So here I am, with my morning coffee, and suddenly see a new arrival-a Eurasian white collared dove. What a new experience for me. And its mate was not far behind. Spiritually, doves are representative of new beginnings, hope in the middle of grief, freedom, peace, and of course, love. And some people would go as far and say that it’s also a sign of a departed loved one, that’s close by. Of course, one could the say the same things about that hummingbird as well. But at minimum, I inherited my spouse’s very large binoculars which is now sitting on my windowsill. Maybe I might start a new birdwatching habit after all. Endings and Beginnings.

Dove of Peace probably giving me the stink-eye

I’ve come to the conclusion over time, that everything has an ending and beginning all at the same time. In fact, I liken them to a coin or a door. One face is the ending, and the other is a beginning. Physical death means you shed a body, the limitations of it, and the life you lived while you had it, but equally at the same time, gain a new life in spirit form and an enhanced awareness that comes with along with it. Releasing physical things from one person, allows for another to enjoy new things in their lives, or to make something new out of it, and find new purpose.

And perhaps the final takeaway is this: maybe each of us should strive to be more like the Hummingbird, the Dove, or like Master Luke - never sit in any particular state for long, find joy and peace in all things, even the most benign ones, and always let the Light lead the way. Nothing is just an ending. And Nothing is just a beginning. Because truthfully Nothing is Everything—all at once.

Happy New Year to all—thank you for starting with me on Substack in February of 2025, and now continuing on in 2026. I hope to philosophize on more life, the universe, and everything, in the days to come.

Cheers/Olena

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